Role Reversal and Using a Strap-on

Dear Ms Mona Darling,

My husband recently asked me if I would wear a strap-on and fuck him with it.  I love the idea, but I’m also a little terrified. Mainly excited though! And I have no idea where to begin. We’ve never done any kind of anal sex!

Signed – Gleeful!

Dear Gleeful!

Yay for you! I love your enthusiasm! Many men enjoy strap-on play. For some, it’s the ultimate role reversal. They have spent their lives as as the penetrator, so being penetrated can feel incredibly submissive. Just the act of getting on their knees to suck your strap-on can make some men incredibly turned-on.

The anus is full of nerves under very thin skin which rarely come in contact with the outside world making the area wildly sensitive. Some people, men and women included, find anal simulation, gently rubbing a lubed up finger over the outside, or penetrating with a finger or dildo, to be incredibly erotic. Plus, about three inches inside a male’s anus, is the prostate which can be compare it to the female g-spot.  Pressure on it during orgasm can make the orgasm more powerful and some men can climax just from prostate stimulation alone.

To find the prostate, slide a finger or two inside and lift the tips up towards the balls. You should feel a nodule about the size of a walnut. Perhaps a little bigger. As your partner gets turned on, it will swell and become more sensitive. If you have short fingers, or have a hard time finding it, there are lots of tools for the job – such as the strap-on!

Wearing a strap-on will make you feel giddy, silly and incredibly powerful all at the same time. I highly recommend every women try it!

Choose a harness that suits your lifestyle and price limitations. Leather is decadent, and long lasting, but harder to clean and more expensive. Other materials will be less expensive, and easier to clean, but may not last as long and can stretch out over time making it hard to wield your new penis with much accuracy.

A dildo can be harder to choose. Silicon is body safe and easy to clean. They can be pricey, but with proper care it will last a long long time. Sizing can be difficult when you are first diving in. I suggest starting with some anal play first and seeing how many lubed up fingers you can get in after ten minutes of play. Barely one? Stick with the small. Almost two? Medium. Two easy? Go with the large.

The sphincter muscles, like any other muscle in your body, tighten when you are nervous and release when you relax. Also, like any other muscle, they can be trained – to relax and open up in this case. When you first begin exploring these activities, go slow. The people in that anal porn you may have seen are highly trained professionals who have done hours worth of prep off set before their big scene. Plan on spending some time working your way in with some thick water based lube and helping those muscles (and the attached person!) relax.

Congratulations to you for having a relationship which is open enough for your husband to feel safe sharing his fantasies and desires!

If you would like more information or a personal coaching session, let me know! I’m always happy to help women and couples explore! I love working with couples on this topic so much that I have a special coaching package just for you!