Lies and Misunderstandings about Penises

Mona Darling: Adventure Coach:Home/Lies and Misunderstandings about Penises

UBUD, INDONESIA – FEBRUARY 15, 2015 : Wooden penises painted on the market in Indonesia. Wooden penises are used in Bali as a remedy against the evil eye and bad spirits

I, like many of you ladies, spent my entire childhood being told to be nice to the penises. Nice, but not too nice. You don’t want to be called a slut. Don’t kick them. Don’t knee them. And certainly don’t laugh when some jerk gets a much needed one square in the nuts and rolls on the ground in tears of agony. You shouldn’t sexually tease them without following through or they will get The Blue Balls. I’m wasn’t sure what would happen, but rumor had it, should you cause a boy to have an erection and not do something to ‘fix it’,  bad things would happen. Horrible things really.

Sex ed was obviously lacking in my neck of the woods.

Then I grew up and became a Dominatrix, paid good money to do pretty much all those things and more because then men who do like it are too ashamed to talk to people they know and love about it.

Of course it’s more complicated then that, but let’s take a look at some of my more popular penis related requests.

  • Call It Names

Some men like to be humiliated about the useless piece of man meat dangling between their legs. They like to hear in great detail about what real, properly endowed men can do with their cocks. They like to hear about how much I disdain that useless pinch of skin between their legs. That it couldn’t please me in any way, except to laugh at it.

This is an especially difficult task when they actually possess a large, thick delicious looking cock.

Smash It

Some men like to relive a version of those school yard altercations. They like to see a shiny stiletto stepping down on their prized possession, hands wrapped around their balls, squeezing till you’d think they’d pop like a grape, or even in a vice. A small vice, but Yes. A real vice. Some industrious kinkster created a butterfly board, two flat sheets of clear acrylic held together with nuts and bolt, in which you can insert a penis and balls, then turn those nuts, tighter and tighter, until your dear friends junk looks like an exotic pink and white (sometimes brown and white) butterfly exhibit.

Draw Faces On It

I have a freakishly large collection of sharpies for just that. I like to think of my submissive forgetting they have it and pulling their cock out in a public restroom looking down midstream to see googly eyes staring back up at them.

No. Really. I am a nice person. Most of the time.

  • Tie It Up

Just like some women won’t leave the house without lip gloss, I wouldn’t dream of doing a session without shoe strings. I have a large collection of colorful shoelaces which I use for tying up cocks and balls. Lift and separate the balls. Tie one tightly around the cock. Use one as a leash to lead my new pet around the room. I have found that no matter what the mans interests, hard core, to light and fluffy, most all of them like to have their cock and balls tied up.

  • Tease It

Unlike the myth of the female orgasm, the blue balls myth is bullshit. Over the last twenty plus years, I’ve tested that theory time and time again. I’ve locked men in chastity devices for months at a time, only to let them out, and ruin their long awaited orgasm. Nothing bad happened. In fact, often, while they were locked in their chastity cages, they would be able to think of little, other then pleasing me, and I would receive gifts and love letters.

I obviously did high school all wrong.

  • Penetrate It

You read that right. While most men spend their life trying to find something or someone to put their cock inside, a select few like things put inside their cocks. Some men enjoy catheters and sounds sliding down, and even stretching out their urethra. Others enjoy needles piercing the soft delicate skin around their cock and balls. I once watched a co-workers actually staple the skin of a scrotum together up over the penis to create one of the freakiest things you’ve ever seen. Yes. Staple.

These are some pretty extreme examples, but many cocks like the occasional rougher play. If you are curious, start with something small and simple.

Perhaps a cock ring?

These examples exhibit why it’s so important to teach our children to ask how people like to be touched. Not tell them how they like to be touched. It’s important to teach them about consent. When we are at the park with our kids and we see them playing rough, many of us are quick to shout “Hey, be nice!” not “Hey, is that consensual?” or “Did you guys negotiate that headlock?”

How would your love life be different if you were taught to ask what sensations others enjoyed instead of assuming? What if you were taught to communicate the sensations you enjoyed when you were a kid. How do you think that would change how you communicate your sexual desires as an adult? What if you were taught that rougher play was ok, as long as there was consent? Would BDSM still have the same taboo for you?

This post is part of the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VI! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, visit the fest page on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 11th.  Beauty of a Woman Blogfest offers inspiration, education, humor, and occasionally tears while celebrating real beauty (as defined by the writer) and the beauty of sexuality.

Mona Darling is a Women’s Empowerment, Adventure Coach and a Professional Enabler. She is a former dominatrix, as well as a former Tupperware lady, although people are generally more interested in hearing about the dominatrix gig.

She is available to speak, write, teach or coach on a number of topics such as kinky sex, professional sex work, travel hacking, women’s empowerment or raising a gender non-conforming child.

14 Comments

  1. This is great! Everything about sex would be different if we were taught to ask what someone liked, as opposed to being taught the one-size-fits-all model of sexuality. Sex comes in so many flavors… but most of us do not know this until we bump into it (sometimes literally).

    I am so grateful that technology gives us a means to seek something different. Posts like this are expansive.

    Thank you so so much for your work… and all the lessons!!!

    I’m visiting from The Beauty of a Woman VI blogfest! <3

  2. Mona Darling March 6, 2017 at 12:18 pm - Reply

    Thank you so much for stopping by! I’m glad you found the post informative. 🙂

  3. aurorajeanalexander March 6, 2017 at 5:47 pm - Reply

    I too belong to those who had learned: These ‘things’ are sensitive and need to be treated with care and sensitivity. And I usually did. (Except you count a couple times I fought for my life – but that’s another story)… When I was reading through your post I caught myself sitting there with my mouth hanging open…
    Who would have though? WOW… OMG…
    This was very educational. Thanks for sharing it so openly.

  4. August March 6, 2017 at 7:48 pm - Reply

    I could listen to you talk about sex all day long – written or otherwise. No one does is quite like you. 🙂 Thanks for bringing your magic to the fest!

    • Mona Darling March 11, 2017 at 9:15 am - Reply

      Thank you lady. I can’t wait to hang out and talk sex with you at BlogHer!

  5. shanjeniah March 6, 2017 at 10:45 pm - Reply

    I honestly can’t say if I would have less personal disinclination toward BDSM if I had been given different information. My childhood was abusive, and my father in particular would often knock me down and hit. I’ve come a long way toward healing, but there are some scars that stay – and the idea of restraining or being restrained hits all those places.

    However, I don’t have any issue, really, reading about it in the third-person, so long as it was mutually consensual.

    With my own kids, I actually did use versions of “Hey, did you negotiate that headlock?” I have a son who is, at 15, larger than many adults, and a daughter, 12, who, although smaller, is fierce and unafraid of him. They like to test relative strength, and I remember doing the same with my younger brother, too.

    They don’t do headlocks, and, with maturity has come a better clarification of the ground rules, but I’ve been known to ask, “Is this playing, or fighting?” or “Does anyone need my help?”

    I hadn’t really thought of that as sending a deeper message – it was born out of the fact that I used to make assumptions, until both kids told me I was actually just getting in their way! But I’m happy to know that my learning to reframe my approach may make their sexual lives more flexible and expansive, with room for what they and their eventual partners find most arousing.

    I wouldn’t have dreamed of a tenth of what your clients ask for! How enlightening – and the faces tickled my fancy!

    • Mona Darling March 11, 2017 at 9:20 am - Reply

      I’m glad the faces tickle your fancy. I like to view BDSM as play. It doesn’t have to be the scary black leather whip wielding pain inflicting demon people think it is. We play when we are kids. We experiment with roles and sensations. Why not continue that as an adult? And I’m glad you seem to have moved on from your abusive childhood. Some of healing is letting go and understanding that those scars are there for a reminder to be decent honest people. At least – that’s how I view mine. Some people/parents teach best by bad example.

  6. bodyworkspt March 7, 2017 at 4:25 am - Reply

    Oh damn Mona…thank you. I just got me some education. Love it when I learn new things, especially about this topic. 🙂

    • Mona Darling March 11, 2017 at 9:21 am - Reply

      Always happy to illuminate! Let me know if you have any more questions!

  7. Kimberly Bost March 7, 2017 at 6:44 pm - Reply

    Totally illuminating for me! I guess I need to ask better questions!

    • Mona Darling March 11, 2017 at 9:21 am - Reply

      And keep an open mind. 🙂 I hope you stumble across something fun!

  8. Kitt Crescendo March 9, 2017 at 6:48 pm - Reply

    Gawd. To say I love this is such an understatement!

    I think you’re absolutely right. If we were trained to handle our conversations differently, the world would be much more accepting of so many things.

    If it were, maybe some things wouldn’t have surprised me so much. Like the first time I was asked to walk all over a gut in heels. Or to crush his cock and balls under my feet. Or when I was asked to treat a guy I was seeing as my personal dildo, then deny him his orgasms. Best times ever. But yeah, when he first expressed his interest I was shocked. And I owed him.

    After all, it took that same submissive foot fetishist to help me lose my dislike of my feet. 😉

    • Mona Darling March 11, 2017 at 9:23 am - Reply

      It sounds like you have had some fun adventures! Keep exploring! Let me know if you have any questions.

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