UBUD, INDONESIA – FEBRUARY 15, 2015 : Wooden penises painted on the market in Indonesia. Wooden penises are used in Bali as a remedy against the evil eye and bad spirits

I, like many of you ladies, spent my entire childhood being told to be nice to the penises. Nice, but not too nice. You don’t want to be called a slut. Don’t kick them. Don’t knee them. And certainly don’t laugh when some jerk gets a much needed one square in the nuts and rolls on the ground in tears of agony. You shouldn’t sexually tease them without following through or they will get The Blue Balls. I’m wasn’t sure what would happen, but rumor had it, should you cause a boy to have an erection and not do something to ‘fix it’,  bad things would happen. Horrible things really.

Sex ed was obviously lacking in my neck of the woods.

Then I grew up and became a Dominatrix, paid good money to do pretty much all those things and more because then men who do like it are too ashamed to talk to people they know and love about it.

Of course it’s more complicated then that, but let’s take a look at some of my more popular penis related requests.

  • Call It Names

Some men like to be humiliated about the useless piece of man meat dangling between their legs. They like to hear in great detail about what real, properly endowed men can do with their cocks. They like to hear about how much I disdain that useless pinch of skin between their legs. That it couldn’t please me in any way, except to laugh at it.

This is an especially difficult task when they actually possess a large, thick delicious looking cock.

Smash It

Some men like to relive a version of those school yard altercations. They like to see a shiny stiletto stepping down on their prized possession, hands wrapped around their balls, squeezing till you’d think they’d pop like a grape, or even in a vice. A small vice, but Yes. A real vice. Some industrious kinkster created a butterfly board, two flat sheets of clear acrylic held together with nuts and bolt, in which you can insert a penis and balls, then turn those nuts, tighter and tighter, until your dear friends junk looks like an exotic pink and white (sometimes brown and white) butterfly exhibit.

Draw Faces On It

I have a freakishly large collection of sharpies for just that. I like to think of my submissive forgetting they have it and pulling their cock out in a public restroom looking down midstream to see googly eyes staring back up at them.

No. Really. I am a nice person. Most of the time.

  • Tie It Up

Just like some women won’t leave the house without lip gloss, I wouldn’t dream of doing a session without shoe strings. I have a large collection of colorful shoelaces which I use for tying up cocks and balls. Lift and separate the balls. Tie one tightly around the cock. Use one as a leash to lead my new pet around the room. I have found that no matter what the mans interests, hard core, to light and fluffy, most all of them like to have their cock and balls tied up.

  • Tease It

Unlike the myth of the female orgasm, the blue balls myth is bullshit. Over the last twenty plus years, I’ve tested that theory time and time again. I’ve locked men in chastity devices for months at a time, only to let them out, and ruin their long awaited orgasm. Nothing bad happened. In fact, often, while they were locked in their chastity cages, they would be able to think of little, other then pleasing me, and I would receive gifts and love letters.

I obviously did high school all wrong.

  • Penetrate It

You read that right. While most men spend their life trying to find something or someone to put their cock inside, a select few like things put inside their cocks. Some men enjoy catheters and sounds sliding down, and even stretching out their urethra. Others enjoy needles piercing the soft delicate skin around their cock and balls. I once watched a co-workers actually staple the skin of a scrotum together up over the penis to create one of the freakiest things you’ve ever seen. Yes. Staple.

These are some pretty extreme examples, but many cocks like the occasional rougher play. If you are curious, start with something small and simple.

Perhaps a cock ring?

These examples exhibit why it’s so important to teach our children to ask how people like to be touched. Not tell them how they like to be touched. It’s important to teach them about consent. When we are at the park with our kids and we see them playing rough, many of us are quick to shout “Hey, be nice!” not “Hey, is that consensual?” or “Did you guys negotiate that headlock?”

How would your love life be different if you were taught to ask what sensations others enjoyed instead of assuming? What if you were taught to communicate the sensations you enjoyed when you were a kid. How do you think that would change how you communicate your sexual desires as an adult? What if you were taught that rougher play was ok, as long as there was consent? Would BDSM still have the same taboo for you?

This post is part of the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest VI! To read more entries, and potentially win a fun prize, visit the fest page on August’s McLaughlin’s site between today and 11pm PST March 11th.  Beauty of a Woman Blogfest offers inspiration, education, humor, and occasionally tears while celebrating real beauty (as defined by the writer) and the beauty of sexuality.

Mona Darling is a Women’s Empowerment, Adventure Coach and a Professional Enabler. She is a former dominatrix, as well as a former Tupperware lady, although people are generally more interested in hearing about the dominatrix gig.

She is available to speak, write, teach or coach on a number of topics such as kinky sex, professional sex work, travel hacking, women’s empowerment or raising a gender non-conforming child.