As kids, we like to play. We dress up in costume and practice different roles. We explore sensations. We revel in the many amazing things our bodies can do.
Why can’t we do more of that as adults? That’s all BDSM is. Some people play harder then others. Some people prefer different roles. Some are more attracted to costumes – others to the physical. But it’s all just… play. Exploration. Reveling in the amazing things our bodies can do.
Why do we need to grow up and leave those activities behind?
BDSM can be a silly outlet. A way for couples to bond. A sexual adventure to embark on together. It does not have to be the dark, abusive activity that popular culture makes it out to be. Although it can be!
Some of my favorite scenes were the ones with a crazy over the top role-play. I was the Wicked Witch of the West tormenting Dorothy – who in real life was a large barrel chested man with a full beard. Wonder Woman (yup. I even wore the costume) tying Steve Trevor up with the lasso of truth. Obviously these things don’t need to follow reality, nor the official scripted fiction.
These are always the types of sessions that get the question “How did you not laugh??” My answer? “Why wouldn’t I laugh?” It’s hilarious. But I’m not laughing at Dorothy or Steve. I’m laughing with them. Neither actually thinks they are actually Dorothy or Steve. They are just playing in an adult fashion. It’s all part of the fun.
BDSM, for me, is all about creative playfulness. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it’s humiliating, but it’s always play, and always consensual.
Using this playfulness can be a good way to introduce a hesitant partner to BDSM. Suggest a silly role-play. Or a game of strip poker where the loser has to seduce the winner while the winner pretends not to be interested. Meet in a bar get to know each other as your alter egos. Yes, these are silly games, but they start you down a path of exploration. And just like any kind of exploration, it’s not about how far you go, or how long you explore, or even where you go. It’s about starting.